Posted by: Bobbie | December 19, 2011

New Year’s Resolutions…To Keep Or Not…

Sheila over at Outside In had a great idea. Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, why not finish what you have started. I never make resolutions, because seriously, do any of us ever keep them? I know I don’t. But, finishing what I have started, because I do that a lot, well, that sounds really doable. And I can put stuff on the list that I absolutely have to do. So, here goes:

1. Start back up eating healthy and getting my exercise daily. I got scared after my hysterectomy over a year ago, because I got on the treadmill way too soon, and have been afraid to get on it since.

2. Find a job.

3. Potty train Tori. I am trying to keep her a baby too long. She knows what she is doing for the most part. I am the one holding her back. This one starts today.

4. Read the Bible all the way through. This is a great one Sheila. I have never finished the whole book.

These are in no particular order. I just wrote them as I thought of them. So, what have you got to get done that you haven’t finished. Comment below and let us all know. That way, as Sheila says, we can encourage one another. So, who’s game…….

Posted by: Bobbie | December 18, 2011

We went on a date……Woo hoo!

I can’t believe we actually did it! I am soo happy that we did. It was fun, trying to figure out what to do and where to go. We ended up at Burger King, and then stopping at Walgreen’s because they had a toy sale. Buy 2 get 1 free. We only ended up getting two things. I can’t tell you what they were though, because one of them is for Stacy. I found out the hubsters work schedule is going to be changing. He will be working third shift, but, that is ok, because it will be 3 on 4 off then 4 on and 3 off. So, we get to see him again!!!! Yay for that one, I am really exicted about that, as are some of the kids. We talked about everyday things and didn’t get in an argument or disagreement. That was a first and neither one of us had an attitude. Glory be about that one. Our door is broke on the van and you have to push down to close it, I can’t close it from the inside so it was really funny when I told him what a gentleman everyone must think he is. He said only when you are in the passenger seat of the van.. Oh and that is another one I let him drive and I didn’t one time tell him how to drive. I bet he thought that I was sick. And I was calm and at peace about that. I didn’t try to control anything we did. And I didn’t get anxious about any of the decisions that he made. All in all it was a great day. Now, I have to get back to facebook, because two people keep poking me and they probably think I have forgotten about them… Tootleloo peeps! And a big shout out to Marie, who was the first commenter. I got so excited.

Posted by: Bobbie | December 14, 2011

First Couples Counseling….

Well, it didn’t go bad. We just talked about family dynamics, how many kids, what kind of routine that we have, if we want to save our marriage, that sort of thing. It wasn’t that bad. I was totally panicking about nothing. I was so afraid we was going to have to talk about that whole feelings thing But, we didn’t. So we have homework in there too. Our homework is to have a date night this week, before going back to counseling next week. Which I could see the wheels in Mike’s head turning. Date night could mean we have to spend money. We really don’t have to. But, he started sweating. He is really tight with what money we do have which isn’t much, and well, it is good that he is. I mean seriously, someone has to be, right? So, we are planning out date night. And we have to have a date night at least once a week, or once every two weeks.

On to other things…

My Stacey girl, my 14 year old has been having stomach problems for a few months now. She has to go in for a procedure tomorrow to test her gall bladder because she might have a disease in it. Which would explain why she can’t eat and it hurts her so bad when she does. So, a little prayer for her tomorrow would be great. Also, Megan, Big Stacy’s daughter has a cyst that she is having removed from her wrist tomorrow at the same place so a little prayer for her too would be greatly appreciated.

I guess that is all for now. Gotta go clean my room and get some laundry done, but, just wanted to leave a little note on here about the few things that are going on. Tootle loo peoples and have a great day!

Posted by: Bobbie | December 11, 2011

To do today…..

I have stuff I have to get done today, and I am going to write my little old to do list here and come back and see if I have made any progress…he he

Finish the kitchen
Do the rest of the laundry
make bed
clean up bedroom
sweep floors
mop

That should do it for today.

Everyone have a Splendid Sunday!

Posted by: Bobbie | December 10, 2011

Expectations….

Yep, you read it right, I had the freakin things, and they let me down again. I wrote the biological dad person. And well, he hasn’t written back or responded in any way, except now I find out that the person who is his son has blocked me and can I say WOW. I am really glad I wrote to him finally after all these years. I am proud of myself for doing it. At least that is what Big Stacy said she heard in my voice. But, I am really disappointed that the person who is his son, felt the need to delete me off of his friends list. Yes, I am talking about Facebook. LOL

You know when you haven’t had that person in your life growing up, and you build him up in your mind. You make him out to be superman, or the Incredible Hulk, or Triple H. Then you get the nerve up to call your grandmother, who happens to be his mother and find out that she is the nicest, warmest, most caring person you have ever met in your life. You think to yourself, hmmmm, my dad oops I used that word, is going to be at least half of that. Then you meet him and he throws money here there and everywhere at you, and you are way too overwhelmed to comprehend what is going on until he leaves, and you don’t hear from him ever again. I guess I just didn’t measure up. I was a teenage mom, I was a bit on the chunky side, and well, I had been through a lot. So, you start to think? I must have done something wrong. But, what? And all of your flaws, little as they may be you say to yourself, if I wasn’t like this or that, maybe my dad would have loved me, and accepted me. I do thank my mom, she told me from as young as I can remember who he was and all that info and she had a yearbook with his picture in that she shared with me and said someday you’ll meet him. She promised me. And I did. I really wish sometimes she would have broken that promise. Not, really but, sometimes it is a fleeting though.
As I got older, the urge to know exactly what I did wrong, turned into, hmmm, it’s been a while, maybe he has changed his mind and it has taken me almost 20 years to get the courage up to even admit to myself that I wanted to know. And guess what I expected him to tell me. I hate that. I should have known better and I did know better. I even told myself that I knew better when I wrote to him. But, here we are with no response and I have been blocked and his son has also blocked and deleted me. Go figure. But, it is ok, and I will be ok. Because I always make sure that I am. Just this time, I am going to be ok the right way, not the wrong way. I am not going to stuff it and make sure that everything is ok, I am going to let it out and let it be. Because if not, I am going to be stuck with some stinky sewage sh**. And we all know from that 70’s lady, that, just isn’t the right way. humpf….expectations…who needs them, I don’t!

Posted by: Bobbie | December 8, 2011

Sammy Boy…..And A Cuber…..

Tori-Beth loves her Sammy Boy. He loves her too. It is just so cute when she says Oh Sammy boy. She wakes up looking for him, and she goes to bed making sure he is asleep in the bedroom somewhere. He loves to curl up with her when she is taking a nap and even lets her lay on him and rub her nose with his tail. Tori loves to rub stuff with her nose. She has a blanket she calls her cober that has fringe and one is pulled out so far because that is the one she uses to rub her nose with. And oh my goodness, we have to pack that thing everywhere. Heaven forbid we leave that thing some where, it is the end of the world as we all know it. LOL. i think she loves the Cuber more than she does her binky. And oh my is she addicted to that think. I think that binky gave her teeth The Twilight Saga look which the girls think is so awesome. They swear she is part vampire, although she doesn’t bite and hasn’t tried to yet, thank goodness. Can you imagine trying to explain that it really wasn’t a vampire that bit your 6 year old it was a 2 year old. LOL So, her nickname is Renesmee. (all you Twilighter out there will know what I am talking about). Renesmee is right now sitting next to me playing with baby dolls and her cuber and wondering when in the world is Sammy boy coming back in? Because you know he has to have potty breaks after all he is just a puppy.

Posted by: Bobbie | December 7, 2011

Blech…..

Feeling really icky today. I think I am getting something not sure. But, I did apologize and it was accepted and I feel so much better about it now. I will write more tomorrow when I feel better and can compose my thoughts. The head is a aching and the computer is hurting my eyes. Everyone have a great day and remember to wash your hands frequently, to keep away all the germs. Tootle Loo

Posted by: Bobbie | December 6, 2011

Homework UGH…..

So, today was counseling and I went, It was time to set up new goals. Oh joy is me. So, my new goals are work on past crap and communication. Mike and I are going to start up couples counseling again. Starting next week. This is with a new person because you can’t have couples counseling with the same person you have individual with. So, I’ll go from individual to couples. Two hours of working on me and us. Should be fun. NOT! I am in a really sarcastic mood right now. LOL
So, on to the homework. I have to write a letter to my biological male person. And just let out all of my feelings and not hold back. I am not suppose to send it to him or anything like that this is just for me. So that I can let go of my expectations. And realize that what my expectations of people are are just that what I expect them to do. Not what they are going to do. Then I can decide whether or not I am going to burn it rip it up or just throw it to the wind I guess. But, I am supposed to let it be about feelings. So, that is going to be hard for me because I am not good with that thing for some reason. Ok, I know the reason but, let’s pretend that I don’t ok?
Next bit of homework is that I need to write to someone that I offended and hurt very badly. Yes, I can say hurtful things especially if I think someone is in the wrong and they just don’t get it. But, this was none of my business and I took it upon myself to make it my business. Which I never should have done. The reason for this is because I never really have closure with thigs in my life. People have came and gone in my life and I never expect them to stay around and then when it ends it is badly because that is the only way I know because that is the only way I have been shown in my life. The way she explained it to me, is that when you don’t have closure, you end up stuffing it. So you end up with stinky sewage sh**. ( which is going to be the name of my next book). and then you just keep adding to it and adding to it and you’ve got me totally full of it and no way to express it and get rid of it. But, with situations you gotta get rid of the stinky stuff. And that my peoples is by closure. So, I gotta work on that. That is my homework and I guess I better get to it. I’ll let you know how it goes. I am heading to Facebook in a moment to do that apology. And seriously, if you are reading let me know. Just give me a hi! or dude, you need to watch your mouth my goodnes. LOL Let me know that you are here. Tootle loo

Posted by: Bobbie | December 5, 2011

Counseling….

Ok, here are the ins and outs of the whole counseling thing. Me and the hubby man decided that we needed counseling. So we started marriage counseling. Then we decided we had “past” issues that we had to work on. So, we went to individual counseling. I got to pick my own counselor and woo wee, I love mine. She makes me think and makes me work, and doesn’t take a bunch of crap from me. But, she is gentle to the point that if something is too much for me to handle I can tell her the water is up to my neck and I can’t swim. That lets her know it is time to change the subject. And then comes that dreaded question that I hate so much. “So, whatcha thinkin?” Ugh… I hate that question, because most of the time I am thinking I really like these chairs of hers. I imagine if I told her that she would laugh at me. Because she does that alot. I have a sarcastic sense of humor and most people find it hilarious. I mean seriously I have the gotta make them laugh to deflect from my bigness. Which I learned from watching Biggest Loser is because I am not comfortable with myself. Well, hmmm no surprise there. but, anyway, I digress. Back to counseling. I want to learn to be vulnerable with the loved ones around me. You know how people can look into their husband’s eyes and tell them they love them?? Yeah, not me. I just can’t. And it has to do with past issues, and not believing he is truely going to be there for me. I know that, I hate knowing that but, I know that. But, I am getting better which means that the counseling is working. So, yah for that one. But, hmmm let’s call he that 70’s girl to keep her name confidential, gives me homework. And for the most part I do it. I don’t like doing but, I do it. Sometimes, life gets in the way and I can’t take the 5 minutes to do it. Ok, if it is especially hard, and I get to feeling all panicky, I don’t do it. And 70’s girl tell’s me that is ok because I know my boundaries. I know how to say not right now but, maybe later. And she’ll give me something else easier (she thinks) to do. I really love her. She gets me, and she doesn’t get upset at me and doesn’t judge me. Which are all great things in a counselor. And she listens. Which she is suppose to do and she does it well. LOL So, to sum it all up, I am working on me so that I can be a better me for my husband and children and the people around me. For me counseling is a good thing. For others it may not be and that is ok.

Tune in tomorrow when I will let you know what my homework assignment was and if I did it or not and how it went. Tootle loo peeps!

Posted by: Bobbie | December 4, 2011

New Blog and New Me

Well, hopefully there will be a new me. I haven’t written in my old blog for a long while and I had trouble writing in it because it felt more like Johnathan’s blog than anything else well, my journey through grief anyway. And I would like to keep it like that for now. So, I decided to start a new blog. I am going to bare my feelings and work through some stuff and hopefully it will help me deal with all that is going on in my life. I may change names to protect the innocent but that is as far as I am going. I will still update like I did before with my To do list, Oh yeah Stacy loves that one. And the goings on of all the crazy silly, children in my household. But, this is going to be me. You will see what my homework is every week from counseling and whether or not I have chosen to complete it or not, and if I have learned anything from it. Everyone is more than welcome to visit the old blog, I encourage you to. JT was an important part of a lot of my readers lives, and he still influences alot of my friend’s lives. I am grateful to that little man who is still very much a part of me and in my heart that will never change. He gave me friends near and far and showed me that no matter what never give up. So, that is a little bit about what is going to be happening here. I hope you like the change. I’ll be back later peoples. Tootleloo!

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